sigh
I really don't know what to write. It's one of those times that I'm just down down

down.
And I become artistically morbid. Even my thoughts are kinda.. well anyway - stuff has been just awry

Exams are over thank God, no more studying for a week and a half, possibly 2 weeks and a half, because who the hell studies in first week? That's partying week. I already have three 21sts lined up for that weekend.
The moving out + mum being here is kinda driving me crazy. And in times like there, it seriously feels like I'm just alone you know. Like I know, I'm not literally ALONE but sure feels hell like it.
First the bro's just as usual. I think it's a guy trait to be like.. well whatever, your problem sorta attitude. The mum's not helping, she's just plain scary and I try not to share anything with her. The boyfriend.... don't get me started lol don't get me wrong, he's a great great guy and I cannot stress that enough, but lately just that situations' have been so that there's... well things haven't been the same and I don't know how to put it right. So far I've mostly just raged, you know, much like a kid who's stomping her feet when being denied her lollies... now that I look back the past couple of weeks, much of it was because I didn't know what to do.

A MAJOR thank you for all my friends who have stayed true and have been around for me just to call even at 3 or 4 in the morning and listen to me moan about shit... starting from uni, exams, the boyfriend, the parents and life in general. Thank you, you know who you guys and girls are :)

Moving out on the 29th July to the 28th floor.. anyone wanna lend some muscles? I gotta say, I got loads of just.. stuff, even for a girl. I hoard LOL . I never knew there is so many things to do just prior to vacating premises (oh LAWD I sound like my lawyer) like change gas electricity water clean floors vacuum and steam clean carpet clean blinds clean exhaust fans change light bulbs wash out the balcony clean windows stove all cupboards and wardrobes the bathroom sinks toilets and showers and OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nuts.

and stuff like redirect mail. *sigh*



_______________________________________________
Yes I AM crazy, dramatic and shocking
but you already knew that,
s'all part of the package

---look what you did to me, cut me so very deep
I need a doctor 'cause this is startin' to burn
Try to fix it now, the bridge is to the ground--

and a massive chat session with a new friend who is great at listening and giving feedback (props to you, you know who you are)

I decided that it wasn't you weren't there when I needed you. I was wrong.
What it is is that I feel you've changed. And by you changing, I guess I had  to change too, except I didn't know which way to change. I wish to be supportive but you're not giving me a chance to.. and so I've retaliated, in a way that made things worse.

I know I haven't been perfect, no one is.
But I wish you'd let me in.
I can't stand just being on the sidelines watching you try to continue this without trying to help or just do something. I wish to help, or just be there but I don't know what is going on inside your head.
And to be honest, it's making me insecure.It makes me ask things like what am I doing wrong? Am I lacking something? What do I do? What can I do? Where do I stand.. you have to tell me, or show me, because I don't know anymore. 

These insecurities aren't helping, I know.
I've tried to stop but it doesn't seem to be working.
I don't know.. I guess we will have to see how things unfold.


_______________________________
I love you... are you so blind?
I miss our fingers intertwined
this agony of the mind is unkind